This is the story in which our Jesus showed Himself, as always, good and faithful despite our frailties, concerns, and lacking faith. It is that which your prayers and support greatly participated. We were without, and God provided. But not only did He provide for the once pending need, He saw us through in the season of being without. We walked many miles, sometimes in rain, sometimes in cold, but never in complete agony. He gave Medford a mild winter, basically snowless, and He gave us rides in the various cars of the many gracious people orchestrated into our path. Many miles, many cars, the ability to buy groceries, get to church multiple times in a week, and the means for Danny to go to and from work: this is our God’s graciousness. We hoped we’d have a car by Christmas; we remained without. We prayed and sensed the need more eminent, the provision drawing near; January came and went. I had booked a one-way flight to Spokane for March 1st, my return trip mostly contingent upon us buying, or receiving, a vehicle sometime in February. Danny would then drive up towards the end of my visit and we’d return home together… in the car… that hadn’t yet materialized. But we moved forward with our plan.
So many ups and downs through this season; a lot of angsts and frustrations and learning. We knew it would always be by His grace that we’d have and be able to maintain the demands of a car. We have journeyed to a new level of desperate dependence on Him. These are good things, but the moments and days and time that went into their learning was way harder and more trying. “Easier said than done,” seems to be the perfect way to put it. And there’s so much more to learn of faith and believing and trusting. No one can sum the trials up into a cliché statement. They just are and will be as God has them.
At the beginning of January, we delved, more so, into our car search as we felt the Lord leading. We went in thinking we had a certain amount, test drove a few cars over the months here, and finally thought we found the car. Our “amount” had changed as the Lord called us to use some of it to pay off a specific debt (a huge blessing), and yet we were under the impression of a certain amount yet remaining, enough for us to purchase this car. We went to the bank the day of the test-drive and found out differently. We were short one grand. And we didn’t have it then to spend on a car. More debt was out of the question. Another curveball thrown and in confusion we went on without a car. He knew (He always does), but that doesn’t change the reoccurring frustration throughout life of not knowing, understanding and then dying to know “why.”
So time went on and I wrestled with growing discontentment. The little conveniences of life that a car blesses you with began to gnaw at my mind, along with the humbly dynamic of always asking others for transportation. And time and time again I was challenged with where I place my hope. I knew having a car wouldn’t be a “solve-all” for the struggles of life. If anything, a car brought on more demands. Even more, through our car search process, Danny and I learned to better communicate, discuss, and make important calls as a couple. We grew closer through the season of wrestling. I came to a place of discouragement, with the car and other “life” concerns, to which I merely surrendered. Not exactly a good surrender; I just couldn’t think about it, couldn’t go there, in some ways, I gave up.
One evening, as Danny and I spent time reading, I came upon a verse in Isaiah—simply flipped open to it (yes, sometimes God does work in the “flip Bible open randomly” way.) It was chapter 40 verses 27-31:
“Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, ‘My way is hidden from the LORD; my cause is disregarded by my God’? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint.”
My heart was pierced with the directness of the questions. I had fallen under the belief that God didn’t care, why would He provide, would He really change the situation or intervene in the great and very specific way we needed. The admonition here came so clearly, particularly, too, in “His understanding no one can fathom.” The reminder: His ways are not our ways (see also Isaiah 55:8-9) and the obvious exhortation to place hope in Him once again.
That same night, it seems Danny and I both were individually met with personal encouragement in Philippian 4:19. I don’t know how it all happened, we weren’t necessarily reading Philippians, but the verse itself came to mind (for me at least): “And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” You can’t get much more specific; when it says “all your needs” I’m sure that means “all.” Hope renewed again.
“The car” had already been in motion a whole week prior to these revelations. I was at a church mom’s group I attend at a smaller church in Central Point. There was a discussion group time and I had shared with the ladies at my table about what God had been doing in my life personally through our ongoing “car need.” Immediately after I shared, the gal sitting on my right turned to me voicing that they (her husband and her) were selling a car. In the conversation following I learned that it was given to them by her in-laws so they could sell it for the money: a 2001 or 2002 Ford Taurus. (More of the details came later.) I in turn shared that we didn’t have much to pay for a car, explaining to her how all that came about, and she also acknowledged that they were asking more for it than what we had. But along with that she shared an impression she was getting that they were meant to give it to us for what we had. She had already texted her husband to have him think and pray about it as well.
I didn’t get excited then, I have to admit it. We didn’t know much about the car, and, despite her impression, I wasn’t convinced it was the one for us. I remained very doubtful and skeptical. We were going to possibly see the car the next day, but timing didn’t work out. The days went on and I knew I needed to follow up again (they’d been holding off reposting it on craigslist so we could see it first.) Things finally worked out for us to view and test-drive the car. I felt, shamefully later, very doubtful and rather disdaining about the whole thing. But we got in the car that night, impressed by how well-kept it appeared and the smooth ride it offered, and were shocked to find the real worth of the car. Out of curiosity I had asked and was completely surprised in realizing it was a way nicer model of the car, causing it to be worth much more than we had previously thought. Basically this couple was offering it to us for $1,400 less than its worth. Danny and I got inside the apartment that night skeptical in a whole different way.
We talked. We prayed. There was a sweet process of humbling and conviction to follow. I felt quite ashamed for having thought so scornfully earlier on, harboring an entirely pessimistic attitude, to put it lightly. Immediate reminders of “out of His glorious riches in Christ Jesus” came to mind, for is His church not part of His glorious riches in Christ?? In fact, the context Paul spoke this verse was having received aid from the church in Thessalonica and encouraging the Philippians that they, too, would know His provision. However the Lord chooses, He does it. But the Body of Christ is a beautiful tool, indeed, coming to each other’s needs, much like the human body truly functions.
We remembered times before when God has provided. The ring Danny gave me bears sweet testimony, which we often need reminded of. Danny thought he’d only be able to get me a wedding band, he had a certain “cap” in mind. He came away with a beautiful engagement ring, an estate ring! (even better) that was just perfect for me, and happened to be even less than the sterling silver band he had picked out. God is so good. And, quite similarly, we went to the bank to find we had one grand short of what we needed for the car, we thought, we were going to buy. But God knew He had something far better, and He could do it with the modest amount we had. God doesn’t need fields of plenty; He’ll take the few barley loaves and fish. And He does so much more.
I was reminded of words a dear mentor of mine had shared with me just days earlier: “God never does it the way we want or think. He always does it in a way we wouldn’t expect.” Initially, I never even got excited about this car. I didn’t believe it could be the one! And it was nothing like the “kind of car” we thought we’d get. But it was so much more, because it was Jesus’ car for us.
We were decided and felt affirmed by the Lord as we prayed over it all. Promises God had given us flooded through our heads to our hearts that evening, things He’d given as milestones in past moments. Malachi 3:10: “Bring the whole tithe into the store house, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this… and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.” This money was all we had for a car; it was His money that He had provided. A word also from the Lord: “There’s always more grace.” He was going to take care of us, never to leave us in the lurch even when mistakes are made, but always extending His care, providing, showing grace.
That night I was restless with all sorts of mixed anxieties: excitement, what if’s, all of it. I was given a line from a song, “release your doubt in My love” and that familiar verse in Psalms, “Taste and see that the LORD is good.” He spoke them so perfectly to quiet my fears. They resonated with all that God had been encouraging us with. Even a song Danny had played on the guitar earlier that night, “I’m running to Your arms, running to Your arms! The riches of Your love will always be enough!” His glorious riches, the riches of His love: our hope.
I could continue to think of so many things. But, to make it brief, we stepped out in faith, and I drove home with the car the following evening. I had gotten in touch with the gal earlier that morning to let her know our decision. And even after letting her know, we found His blessings poured out. I called on some childbirth classes we wanted to sign up for at the hospital, ended being covered by our insurance: free. Setting up our insurance later on: they hadn’t applied a discount we had to the quote we had received earlier: $600 cut off our annual premium. Transferring title: we didn’t have to pay all we thought initially: $86 cheaper. Danny did our taxes: getting an unexpectedly bomb tax return.
God is good, people. He gave us a car. But, for Him, I’m sure it wasn’t even about that. He did so much more.